Using Social Software to Avoid Socially-Awkward Situations

Subtitle: I’m Just Not That Into You

Much has been written about the new types of social situations that arise when using social software. Breaking up over text-messaging, seeing ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends connecting with other people on Facebook, the “do I or do I not friend this person” question, the soon-to-be-finance seeing the wedding ring purchase ahead of time — these all happen because social software has reconfigured what the term “friend” means today, and because social software has turned upside-down our previous notions of public and private.

In our new age of Web2.0 connectedness, going online unavoidably means getting yourself into awkward social situations.

Yet, in the vast research* which I have conducted to date, I have not found anyone writing about the way social software helps us avoid these situations. (*Research question: Do I remember ever seeing this written about? Answer: No. Research, complete.)

What has been under-appreciated in all the hype about the net today is the power of the Ignore button, and its various various forms across websites: The Unsubscribe; The Block; The Remove. These all help us avoid the kinds of awkward social situations we face both on- and offline, by letting the other person know that we do not want to connect. That we don’t really care about what they are doing online, who their friends are, and what their status might be each day.

By hitting ignore, we tell the other person, “Hey, I’m just not that into you.”

And this is OK. Better than OK, because it gets us out of those sticky situations we get into when we have to deal with people that, truth be told, we really don’t like.

You know how it goes. Let’s say you go home, to visit the folks, and you make the mistake of heading out to your local mall. You see someone you knew from, say, high school. Oh noes!!! The conversation you have always has a voice-over running in your head simultaneously, and it usually goes like this:

Me (in head): omg omg please don’t look at me please don’t look at me

Dude: YO DUDE!!! SHIT! How are you? WTF you been up to man?

Me: Heeeeeeyyyyy…..great to see you! Not too much! Same old same old!

Me (in head): FUCK.

Dude: How long’s it been!?!?!? Since high school, no? Hey, you remember that time…

[...this goes on...]

Me (in head): please don’t ask for my phone number please don’t say we’ll get together when we both know we won’t

Dude: Hey, man — give me your number. We have GOT to get together and HANG!!!

Me: um….yeah….

You see the problem here? The social protocol in these situations is to pretend that we’ve reunited and bonded, that even though it’s been 20+ years, and we have completely different lives, there is still something that connects us.

Wrong.

Now, imagine this same situation, but played out on, say, Facebook:

You have a friend request.

Would you like to confirm [insert person you haven't seen in years here] as your friend?

Confirm Ignore

IGNORE.

See! So easy.

Now your former friend gets the idea — you are just not into him.

This, then, is the power of social media. It’s not to help connect us to others. It’s not developing a “social graph” upon which we can build a “network” of “relationships.” Those phrases might sell investors, and get the news media writing about your product. But it has nothing to do with what social software can do for us, really.

The power of social media is that we can ignore. That we can tell others we’re just not into them, without the messiness of actually telling someone we’re just not into them. We can be an a-hole, but we can be one silently; implicitly…

We can go about our day, secure in the knowledge that not-connecting with someone is only a click away.

Doga?

WTF?

NYT, without the slightest hint of irony here:

Doga combines massage and meditation with gentle stretching for dogs and their owners.

Silly me! How could I have not realized the therapeutic benefits of PUTTING A DOG ON YOUR STOMACH WHILE YOU STRETCH.

I fear for the very soul of this nation…

Stupid Human Tricks

Actual call to 911:

“My car will not start. I’m locked inside my car,” the unidentified woman said.

“Nothing electrical works. And it’s getting very hot in here, and I’m not feeling well.”

The dispatcher asked the woman if she was able to manually pull the lock up on the door.

The woman said she would try, and then, she said, “Yes, I got the door open.”

Socialist Looter President Cuts Down Corporatist Banker

Today, at a Business Roundtable conference:

MR. PARSONS: So take it down to our industry, the banking business. At its core, it’s a very simple business: It takes funds from depositors and other providers of funding, and then it makes those funds available in the credit markets. And that’s how businesses grow, when people buy homes, and send their kids to college, buy cars, and all that sort of stuff.

THE PRESIDENT: Can I just say, Dick, it hasn’t been that simple lately. (Laughter.) But I get your theory, though.

Ka-POW!

The chains of the proletarians are slipping away!

How To Tell You’re A Neo-Con

If you’ve been accused of being a neo-con, here is a simple test to determine if it’s true:

- If you think spreading freedom across the Middle East is a great idea — and easy to do — you’re a neo-con

- If you’ve ever smelled freedom fries, you’re a neo-con

- If you often use the phrase “history is going to have to judge” when discussing your foreign policy views, you’re a neo-con

- If you’ve often referred to Donald Rumsfeld as “clear-thinking” or “correct,” you’re a neo-con

- If you believe Higher Education can be fixed by ending tenure, you’re a neo-con

Yep. It’s a pretty straighforward test.

Sockpuppet?

Strange Internet meme:

I am aware of all Internet traditions.

John McCain campaign, today:

John McCain is aware of the Internet.

Strikingly similar, no?

What If The Founders Had Twitter?

Apparently, right now on the House floor, two members of Congress are having a debate. Not unusual, you say?

They’re doing it on Twitter.

See techPresident for more.

It got me thinking, what if the Founders had twitter?

ThomJeff “When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which hav…” FUCK ran out of chara… 7 minutes ago from web

Yeah, probably wouldn’t have worked out so well.

Potential Pranks

NPR’s BPP this morning had a segment on photobombing. And with one look at the photos featured here on this site, it’s easy to see this practice is completely and infectiously hilarious, worthy of Buzzfeed’s Internet meme status. What is it?

Intentionally turning up in the background of other people’s photographs with the goal of ruining them now has a name: Photobombing. I do this daily, unintentionally, walking along Canal Street to work, but the art of the photobomber is appearing in the background at just the right moment and with just the right face.

Curiously, it’s not the only definition out there. Wikipedia actually lists another definition: “the act of attaching a numbered series of photographs to public places.” The person behind this scheme has a website, where he explains in the FAQ how he planted his photos, and what to do if you find them.

I’m more interested, though, in the first definition. While hilarious, it’s also a bit strange, because the joke here is assumed. You really don’t get to see the look on your “victim’s” faces when they realize you’ve ruined (or enhanced…) their photo. It’s a joke in the potential, and, as everyone knows, pranks like this are funnier when you get to share in the laughter.

Is a whoopee cushion, or today’s high tech version, still funny if you’re not around to hear it?

So while it’s funny to think you’re going to show up looking ridiculous in someone else’s picture, you’ll never see it realized. It’s probably only a stoke of luck that you’d ever stumble across it posted on Facebook, or some other site. Maybe this makes more sense if this thing takes off, and we see photobombing sites appear, where you can see the fruits of your labor posted somewhere.

Oh hell. No sense overthinking it.

If something’s funny, it’s funny.

When Obama Wins…

If you haven’t heard, there’s a terrific little game that’s started up on Twitter. Via Jason Kottke:

Last night, folks on Twitter began to contemplate what will happen if Barack Obama wins the nomination. The meme seems to have begun with Andrew Crow’s vision for the future:

When Obama wins… unicorns will crap ice cream and pastries

Kottke created a great microsite, that circles through many of the best tweets.

For what it’s worth, here’s mine:

When Obama wins, Bill Clinton will explain to us he was saying Obama was the stronger candidate all along…

Heh heh.

[Update]: Andrew Crow’s blog post explaining how it started.

[Update 2]: Credit where due — I had no idea what paparrati was talking about at first. Paparrati is much cooler than me!

Sociologists Cannot Work Cell Phones

I attended an event tonight, part of a lecture series from the folks at The New School for Social Research. And while the discussion was great — “Daniel Levy (SUNY Stony Brook) and John Torpey (CUNY Graduate Center) discuss the constructive and obstructive uses of memory in contemporary debates focusing on human rights and progressive politics” –what the heck is up with sociologists and their cell phones?

No less than five times did cell phones go off during the first hour!

I know cell phone technology is all “advanced” and “complicated,” but, seriously — putting it on silent is right above “Changing Channel On TV” and right below “Bookmarking In Your Browser.”

Really, it’s not that tough.